It’s the little things..

surprise-happy-birthday-gifts-5Hi Readers,

Just some thoughts on my birthday to share.  You know, as the years pass by, it’s funny how our preferences change.  Just yesterday while my husband was running around trying to buy a gift for me, I realized how I would rather have his company instead of a gift.  Many, many years ago, in my twenties, I wouldn’t have agreed with this thinking and would’ve reached for the present instead but now with bills and responsibilities and duties, things like time are even more precious.  Objects can always be bought but company is hard to come by.

I still love receiving presents, though, but it’s the little things…  A special and unusual color of roses (dusty pink) in an arrangement from a man who means so much to me (when he has very little time to spare), whispered words in my ear of affection, generous hugs, pampering, festive communication in the middle of my day, and loving gestures mean the world to me, especially when coming from those I love.

So, as I sit here at my day job and am receiving a few birthday wishes, I am warmed by the recognition.  I’m also a bit sad with the realization that there hasn’t been any comments on my main FB page but it’s okay because it really doesn’t matter in the end and people have busy lives.  Yes, my birthday is special to me and I love celebrating it and the revelry behind it but… that all passes and then life continues.  So, in the meantime, on my special day, I will do little things to help celebrate who I am and where I’ve been.  And I am looking forward to those things that really matter to me and experiencing them with those I love.  That is the real celebration.

 

Coping in different ways

Tonight I learned that everyone grieves differently.  I probably already knew this but when faced with a short discussion with my dad I realized he and I deal with my mom’s death differently.

My husband and I have had lengthy conversations about what will happen if he passes away before me (hopefully this doesn’t happen).  He knows that I will be “getting rid of all his stuff” immediately, giving it away to charity or something.  I let him know this is not because I don’t love him or that I’m trying to get rid of him.  Oh no.  I love him so much.  But this is how I handle grief.

My mom passed away a little over two years ago though it seems like an eternity to me.  She understood me like no other ever has.  She was my best friend, my biggest fan and my strongest confidante.  She was my rock and I miss her dearly.   And how do I deal with her death?  By ignoring it.  Yup.  That is the only way I stay sane and that is the only way I can go on and survive living while she is up in heaven having fun without me.  I try not to think of her because thinking of her only brings tears and misery and I can’t go to work, on a daily basis, to help people if I am a mess myself.  So, this is my way to deal with the immense sadness of her loss in my life.  One day, hopefully, I will be able to think of her and not tear up but until then, this is the way I cope.  However; this is not the same for my dad~

My dad, who desperately needs to move into a first floor apartment because of his declining health, said to me today, that he can’t move into a smaller place because that would mean he would have to get rid of things and he can’t give up my mom’s stuff.  He said that and then he cried.  You see, my dad never cries because he doesn’t believe in a man crying.  While me, I feel differently.  I think if you have an emotion, let it out.  If you have to cry, do it.  It’s natural and it’s human and you can’t keep these things bottled up or they’ll just resurface again, and again.  He believes in prescriptions to pacify his inner turmoil while I believe prescriptions will only mask the inner pain- much like a band aid covering something temporarily.  In the end it peels off with time and the pain is still there.

But I understand where my dad is coming from and I told him this.  I am only trying to do what best for him but I get it.  In the end, it’s his decision the way he wants to live his life.  He chooses to live his life surrounded by objects my mom loved because it keeps her alive.  Storing these items away would only sadden him and the last thing I want to do is add more pain to his overflowing cup.

So, I guess the lesson is to love everyone while they are here.  Life is so short.  Appreciate those close to you for you never know what tomorrow might bring.  And, to try to understand when people do things differently than you would in the event of one’s passing.  Some create items to remind them of their loved ones, some need to have stuff owned by their loved ones around them while others, like me, can’t have the constant reminders surrounding them.  Everyone grieves differently but in the end, we are all trying to do the same thing:  survive this life to get to the other.

Ladies, you are Awesome!

You know what hurts? When I see women putting up with bad behavior.

 

Just today I saw a post from a friend who was engaged and happy but recently found out her boyfriend cheated on her.  This is very sad but, in my opinion, if he went outside of the relationship without your permission, he is not worth hanging onto.  You deserve better and he or she is out there for you, waiting.  Don’t go back to someone who can’t commit.  There’s too many of them out there and you deserve someone who respects you.

Sadly, too many women go back to broken men and failing relationships, maybe because we are comfortable in a situation we know or understand or maybe because we fear there’s nothing else for us and we’d rather settle for less than to be “alone”?  But the question remains…  Why do we allow people to treat us badly?

Ladies, let me tell you how beautiful you are. I don’t need to personally know you to let you know that you are Worthwhile and Gorgeous!

Don’t ever let any man or woman treat you as less than you are. Remember, it is your choice to remain in a relationship. We make choices every single day of our lives as to who we welcome into our personal circle and who remains within our inner circle.  If they are not treating you like a queen, should they stay?  Would you be better off without them, have less stress, or be able to live the life you want to live without their judgment?  In every circumstance, do what’s best for you because, in the end, you’re the only one that matters.  I know this might sound selfish but it’s not.  If everyone leaves, you should be able to rely on yourself and be happy with yourself.  If you’re not, change it.  You have to be whole before you can let anyone else in.

Remember this saying (that I absolutely love): You teach people how to treat you.

It’s so true and you deserve the best, always!

Have a wonderful day, my friends, and remember how beautiful you are!

#WritersLIfe    #Writing   #WroteToday

Chocolate? Think twice

Have you ever wanted to scream and shout?

Me?

Yes.

Quite frequently nowadays.

As a part-time caregiver on top of all my other duties:  full-time day job, part-time book business/marketer/promoter, wife and dog mom, there are days I just want to vent my frustration over the decisions my dad makes.  You see, he fell yesterday in his home and today he was supposed to see a Physical Therapist but he doesn’t want to.  He stated to me, by phone, that if this shortens his life, so be it.  That he will live a happier albeit shorter life, then.  Wow.  Talk about selfish.  But there’s nothing I can do about it because it’s his life, not mine and his decisions are his decisions…but do you have to tell me this 2 years after my mom passed away?  Granted, he’s said worse to me in the past two years- words even my husband remembers and wishes my dad didn’t speak.  No one should ever hear from a parent or relative that “all bets are off if I go to a nursing home.”  This on top of my additional duties at work is what I put up with on a week to week basis.

And my dad and I were never close~ but here I am, taking care of him because mom is not here anymore to do so.

Upon coming home, I think about writing him into my current book and I wonder what the Angel would say to the female protagonist when she talks about her dad.  I think about this for a while, discussing my latest idea with my friend Michael, throwing in that maybe she’s like me and gaining weight rapidly with all the stress that befell her, suddenly, all at once when my friend Michael says to me:

“No amount of chocolate will amend your dad’s situation.”

Startled, I stopped in my tracks and thought about what he said to me; then I nodded my head.  As usual, he’s right.

I am eating chocolate every day and steadily gaining weight when at one point I was actually eating healthier and losing weight.   With all the craziness and impossible demands I’m juggling now, topped off with the added stress of my dad’s failing health, I find myself dipping into the candy jar a lot more often than I should.  However; Michael’s right.  Eating chocolate will not help or change my dad’s situation but, eventually, it will change mine.  No amount of stress eating will help my dad and it won’t help me either.  I have to find another way to deal with the situation I have been handed.  What is the best solution for me?  I don’t know but I am willing to find out.

Take care my friends and thanks for reading.  Enjoy your day!

#Michael  #TKLawyer  #MyOwnThoughts  #TKLawyerThoughts

My personal DJ

Do you know I have my own, personal, musical DJ?

Well, yes I do.  Plus we have an uniquely, amazing relationship and I am so thankful.

I’ve mentioned my friend Michael several times before but I’ve never disclosed the little, thoughtful things he does for me, like sending me the right song at just the right time.

Today, I was searching for a song that he sent me lyrics from a few days ago.  I scrolled through the lyrics of the song because sometimes the specific song lines he refers to are not the true message but there’s something further and it takes a bit of research to find out what he specifically wants me to see.  I smiled throughout the song lyrics, reading each line until I got to the end and read a short paragraph.  The meaning hit me immediately and I was overwhelmed with tears.

You see, life has been a bit of a struggle recently for me but I’ve been trying to be brave, be on top of things, be organized and a help to others while still displaying a smile, and trying to see the comical side of things, when surrounded by negativity.  However, I feel it’s taking its toll and I am slowly drowning in assignments at my day job, trying each day to just stay afloat as new forms, new assignments and demands from customers come at me faster than lighting.  With my weekends slipping by quicker than anything due to my additional, seemingly endless caretaker responsibilities, there are days I just want to lie on my couch and do nothing.  I know I need a break, possibly a vacation, but my husband reminds me all the time of our financial juggle so here I am, instead of being on a cruise or somewhere lost in the adventurous wilds of Canada or Montana, toiling at my day job, every day, trying to do the best that I can with what I have.

So when I’m reading the lyrics from a song by Lionel Richie, I break down and think about going home because I don’t want anyone to see me vulnerable.

The song is about partnership and the lines flow easily.

“As we go down

Life’s lonesome highway

Seems the hardest thing to do

Is to find a friend or two..”

Yes, that’s what Michael is for me.  A friend who has always been there and has never forsaken me.  Even though I’ve turned away from him many times, he has always brought me back, tried to uplift my spirits, and tried to impart snippets of his simple, easy wisdom.

I read further “Well the whole world’s got you dancing.”  Yeah, you’re right, Michael.  I feel like I can’t stop spinning and I am being tugged in several directions with everyone’s requirements of me.

And then the next lines hit me:  “That’s right, I’m telling you it’s time to start believing.”  Okay.  I know I have little faith and he reminds me all of the time of the need for it.

And then the crusher:  “Believing who you are, you are a shining star.”  Wow.  Here comes the water works.  Michael believes in me.  He loves me and he thinks I’m incredible even though he is the one who is truly amazing.  “A shining star.”  I just can’t explain to you why I broke down but I think I needed the pat on the back, the encouragement but more so, the confirmation that I am a good person and I’m working hard- maybe too hard- that amidst all the drudgery and the glum and that, in addition to my pile of responsibilities, I am being tasked to deal on a day to day basis with a black hearted, cold, calculating staff member that, despite her misery, will never leave employment, I am a shining star.  There are no other words.  It’s just beautiful.

And so today, I am passing on the message to you.  When life gets you down or deals you a raw deal (as in the miserable co-worker that I must deal with for the next, God knows how long length of time she expects to be employed) that you, too, are a shining star.  Rise above it and realize your worth.  You are Amazing!

So, to quote more of the song, “that when you feel you lost your way, you’ve got someone here to say, I’ll show you.”  I’m here to tell you how wonderful you are.  Don’t let anyone stop you from being you.  You continue being the beautiful, wondrous miracle you are despite the adversity you encounter.  You are loved and you are worth it.  And as a picture in my office states, “Never let anyone dull your Sparkle.”

shiningstar

 

We make a choice every day

Hi Readers,

Do you know that we make choices every day?  These choices not only affect our life and which way we go on our path in life but they also affect our perceptions and, eventually, our health and well-being.  My friend, Michael, explains it like a map of intersecting, interacting choices:  one leads to another and to another and depending on the specific choice made, it opens up other areas and leads on to other decisions to make.  It’s amazing and complex and a little hard to understand but everything we do has a reaction and all our decisions are interwoven into this very large, stringy ball of electrical twine, so to speak, when you see the whole picture.

All of our decisions affect others and these choices thread our life.  Knowing this and being aware of how short life is, does it really make sense to hold onto grudges or to be unhappy, in any way?

I ask this because this morning, a co-worker, who seems to think I harmed her in some way, couldn’t even spend a few seconds in the break room by me while I was getting my second cup of coffee.  This really surprised and perplexed me to the point of writing this blog.  I think sometimes people lose sight of the overall, big picture.  So, you happen to dislike me- okay- but do you need it to affect your 40 hour work week?  As we know, we spend a majority or our lives at our jobs so do we really need to let such trivial matters, perceptions and judgments cloud how we act and react?

I think it’s interesting how this co-worker thinks she’s done nothing wrong to change the nature of our relationship and blames it all on me when she was the one who actually attacked me, twice.  Despite this, I still like who she essentially is- a human being trying to get through this life, like the rest of us.  The fact that I don’t want to work with her has nothing to do with how I feel she is, as a person outside of work, and even though I prefer not to be in the same area as her in the office because I feel she is always judging me, ready to document everything I do for a negative purpose, I was able to spend the few seconds in the break room while she scrambled to get away.  How crazy.

Is it really worth it to get upset over trivial things when the greater cost could be your peace of mind and possibly, eventually, your health?  One thing leads to another and it can be a negative snowball effect heading in the wrong direction for you just because you are upset, and choose to remain upset, at a particular person.  You can’t change them but you can change how you perceive the “injustice” rendered to you and how you react to it.  We’ve heard this before, again and again, but how many of us actually implement this sound advice into our lives?  It’s hard to do, especially when you feel justified in your anger, but for your own peace of mind, it’s best to let it go and move on with a happier outlook.  Getting hung up on trivialities will not help you when the major life circumstances happen, because they will happen.  If you can’t let go of something silly and meaningless, how are you going to deal with real life barriers that are going to force you to change and adapt so you can move forward?

You choose how you live your life.

Let go of grudges, judgments and negativity and choose happiness, instead.  In the end, does it really matter?  Ask yourself this question and most of the time you will find yourself saying “no.”  If it doesn’t matter, Let It Go.  Navigating through life is struggle enough.  Do you really need to add to your burden?  Be happy and be well.  You deserve it!

Live like someone left gate open

 

You are Beautiful

This morning, I was at my Doctor’s office for two appointments.  As I finished one up and chatted with the receptionist, I waited a bit for my other to show.  Twenty-five minutes later I was ushered into the Specialist’s office and we had a good talk- upbeat, uplifting with plenty of advice.  She ushered me back to the receptionist desk who said I was cleared to go but then turned to the Specialist and complimented me aloud on my progress.

I was pleasantly surprised to hear the receptionist’s opinion of me.  She said to the specialist, “She’s so cute” stating how my first day in their office I was determined to make a difference and to do something about my situation.  She was proud of me.  I entered the discussion and became lively and animated in the middle of it.  I saw the receptionist turn to the specialist with a nod and a knowing smile.  It made me feel good that my few visits (there’s only been three) to the Doctor’s office made an impression on her.  Until this point I was unaware that she knew who I even was.

It’s funny how our few, brief contacts can make an impact we never knew existed.  Granted, I liked the receptionist and we always laughed together about little things but I didn’t realize she had a high regard for me until today.  For me, I always try to be nice to people who help “serve” me in some capacity.  Whether it be complimenting the person behind the counter for something lovely they are wearing or for how they wore their hair that day to the bigger task of striking up a conversation, I like making people feel better than when I first met them.  I try to do this as much as I can, barring my own mood and time constraints and I do this because I generally like people.  But today was a reminder, not only for me but for all of us, that we make an impact with every contact we make but might not realize it.

** With every person we come in contact with, we can choose to spread joy or unhappiness so why not take a step in making the Earth a happier place and choose to spread love, joy and peace instead of the latter.  **

Those in the service industry or helping professions are often disregarded or taken for granted.  It’s not often they are recognized or even rewarded for the essential service they do, sometimes barely making an income to support themselves or their family.  Take a minute today to make a greater impact and thank someone or compliment them.  Your one generous comment will snowball into several more, adding good cheer to strangers you may never meet.

Sometimes, all it takes is a few loving words to turn someone’s day around for the better.

Take care, my friends.

Thankful

 

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